Spam

I don't like spam. Well, I don't really know anyone who does, I suppose, but I really, really don't like spam. But more than the spammers (they're just trying to make a buck, ya know?), I don't like the companies that resort to spam. If you can't develop a decent marketing campaign to put behind your product, maybe you should re-examine what, exactly, it is that you're trying to sell.
Then there are other products that would seem to have a never-ending supply of good, quality marketing behind them, and still, the company producing them feels they need an extra edge, or something. I got a spam email advertising Dyson vacuum cleaners the other day. I like Dyson. I think they're great, or at least that's the impression I get. I've never personally used one of their vacuums, but I like their ads, generally, and if I were in the market for a new vacuum, theirs would be in the list of vacuums I would be willing to consider.
It would have been, that is, until I saw a spam with their name on it. Now, I'm taking a stand. Let it be known. (music swelling) If I receive an email from someone I don't know with your company's name on it, I will never buy any product you have to offer now or ever. Up until the point at which all food is marketed through spam, of course, but even then, only when your company apologizes to me in writing. And some flowers wouldn't hurt either.
Rise up, brothers and sisters with the clogged email. Take this stand with me.

Lack of Posting Haiku

I need to post more.

I've been a bit lax lately.

You'll get over it.

Shortbread

I've recently developed what I've come to refer to as The Unified Theory of GirlScout Cookies as Metaphors for People. Don't let the title scare you, I really haven't thought it out that well. Suffice it to say that a friend and I were talking about another friend's boyfriend, and in the course of conversation, he was referred to, by me, as sort of a Tagalong. I didn't mean it in the GirlScout Cookie sense, of course, but when my friend suggested that perhaps he was in fact more of a Do-Si-Do, things took off from there.

I've decided, in the course of developing this theory, that I am, in fact, a shortbread sort of a person. I've always thought that I should strive to be more of a Thin-Mint, I think we all have. But I've definitely gotten to a very comfortable place as a Trefoil. I'm delicate, kind of buttery, and honestly, who doesn't like shortbread? It's not the first thing you think of when you think GirlScout Cookie, but that's ok.

Thin-Mints, well, we all know them. The type-A personality, the flamboyance ... the mintyness. They're great, really. But you can have way too much of them, way too quickly. And you can go through a pack of Thin-Mints and not even remember the next day, except for that faint twinge of guilt and heartburn.

The afore-mentioned Tagalongs, well, you like them at first. They have that rich, chocolatey coating, after all. But there's really no substance there. You'd feel bad stopping, cause it's not their fault, but damn it, every time you turn around they're right there. You just need something with a little more trans fat.

We all know at least one Samoa, don't we? He's that tall, dark and handsome, vaguely foreign guy, who elicits drool from any girl you happen to be with at the time. You'd love to hate the Samoa, but he's such a cool guythat you'd just come off as jealous and bitter. Luckily, he attracts more Thin-Mints than anything else.

There're more, obviously, but I'm done with this now. Feel free to elaborate on your own time. I trust you.

I can't help it, I'm shortbread.

A New Freakin' Year

Well, 2005 is finally over. It has, at times, felt as though it was the fastest year I have ever lived through. Certain weeks felt as though they were stretched immeasurably long, but overall, a very fast sort of year. The word that encompasses this year is not "fast" however, the word is "unfortunate."

But, there's always next year. And from this viewpoint, next year looks like it could be full of all kinds of good things. Call me an optimist.

Well... Call me an optimist who likes to complain a lot.

Hmmm... Again

My favorite quote of this week.

"Of course, a lot of Italians adored Mussolini too."

Random

The other day I had another brilliant idea (as is wont to happen to me) which involves me starting another page which will be an ongoing review of new Apple products. The page will be called "Mac Fancy". So there. It's here, by the way : Mac Fancy

Here's the thing. I can't afford to buy new Apple products for the purpose of review (or at all) AND eat. So if you've got a new Nano, or maybe a G4 laptop, or even a ROKR (here's a critique...learn to spell... how bout that?) and you just don't know what to do with it, ya know, we could make some arrangements.

Cash would be fine too.

Recall

Bill Maher, making the case for a Presidential recall: "On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and now the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky?"

Lost

(this is paraphrased from something the almighty Jon Stewart said in a recent Daily Show episode)
Remember when you went on that trip when you were a kid, and you knew your Dad was gonna get lost, and you told him that he was going to get lost, so you suggested getting a map, and then he got lost, and you're saying from the back seat that maybe now would be a good time to just stop and get a map, or maybe ask someone for some directions, and he's all yelling from the driver's seat, "We're LOST!! Now is no time to be stopping and getting a map!!! WE'RE LOST!! We gotta figure out where we are first!! Then maybe we can stop and get your goddamn map!! Stop... JUST STOP MAKING SUGGESTIONS BACK THERE... HEY! This is no time to be playing the blame game either! We all have to pull together in times like this. Now just shut up, while I try to get us out of this mess."
Remember that?
If you think about it a little bit, that kind of resembles the state that our country has been in for a little while now.

Now I'm gonna go have a little lie-down.

Things Get Real Scary, Just In Time for Halloween

You need to read the article here: FEMA Detainment Camp, and the one here: Real Heroes, (both courtesy of OneGoodMove.org) and then, if you have any imagination at all, and once you regain control of your bowels, you need to gather your friends who think like you, you need to get them to read the above articles, and you need to figure out a plan. Because we're coming to a time, possibly as soon as in the next few months, when things... well... let's just say things are going to take a turn. Quit waiting around for the deal-breaker. It's already come and gone.

Speed

I have one vice, really. I like driving. Fastily.
Now let me say that I'm not, by any means, "Mr-All-Fancy-With-My-Fancymobile-
Going-70-Through-The-35-mph-School-Zone."
Please.
I've got the common sense, you know.
I'm a good driver. I'm always alert. I would never drive after drinking, and I really don't speed that much. I guess what I've realized is that there are not that many other good drivers out there. And, honestly, who's at fault is something way down on the "I-Care-About-That List" when your drunk ass turns into my lane without signaling when I'm minding my own business doing 95 down the interstate. It's a matter of survival at that point. So I don't speed that much, cause of you. Honestly.
I think every driver should have to log 10 hours of driving in a simulator (we have the technology), every 2 years or so. The state can pay for the time with all the money they'll save on traffic accidents. If you hydroplane, if you hit wet leaves on the road, or black ice, if a deer jumps into the road, or a suicidal bum, would you know what to do? Hell no, you don't even know how to use your blinker, and those are easy.
See, you turn the wheel, and your hand just hits the...
no, see, the way you're turning...
no, left...
no...

Sigh...

Complaining

Reading back through some of my posts, I've realized it may seem like all I do is complain. I'm really not like that...uh...most of the time. Things are not simple anymore, and perhaps before I fire off a rant about something, I should think it through, and honestly give every side of the argument an equal chance. I could tender my hatred for stupidity with a gentle understanding spirit of compassion for those who perhaps were not raised to the standards that I was.
That, or maybe we could go back to having some freaking manners and common sense. How bout that, huh?
You know what pisses me off the most? Ungratefulness, that's what. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm working so incredibly hard just to stay where I've gotten, but kids who's every whim has been provided for and who have no idea the kind of hard work it takes to stay alive, in general, make me angry. Hey, just so ya know, is all I'm sayin...
Alright, I'm done ranting now.

Making PP...

I think, and maybe this is just my opinion...but I think that if you're in college (or even just over the age of 12), and A. You can't hit the toilet, or B. You choose not to aim, that you should be somewhere where they have people who will help you with that. I have to imagine that this is more of a problem with guys than with girls, there being more distance involved, on average, but I'm not letting anyone off, on this one.

Hmmm...

This may have changed since I've read this, but passengers in SUVs make up 81% of all fatalities in collisions. Anyone need that spelled out?

The Secret To Life

Speak clearly, and smile. That should pretty much do it for you.

My Plan...

I'm sure he wouldn't want to have anything to do with this, but I think that, if we were all really as committed as we say we are to getting things done right, we should let John Stewart run everything. No, I mean everything. Like the world. Space. Beyond. You know, all that stuff... Seriously, think about it. Everyone likes him. No one (important) disagrees with him. He's smart, he's cool, he's calm in the face of extreme danger (well...I would imagine), he's impeccably dressed, and he's overly sarcastic. How could we go wrong with that?

I knew it...

Well, there goes the ballgame... Monkeys, Capuchins to be exact (ya know, the little cute ones with the long tails?) have learned economics. Look here. They've already mastered the stealing, gambling, prostitution, and who knows what other kinds of financial practices. It won't be long before they've got controlling interest in some research labs, and mark my words, payback is gonna be a bitch.
Hmmm... Just realized, this may mean that W will soon be able to understand, and thus fix, our economy.

A Message of Hope, In a Time of Darkness...

The fact that I can say things like, "Our President is an idiot, and should learn how to pronounce nukyaler," without being sent off to a prison camp, or fined, or killed, fills me with flood of hope for our great nation. For all the complaining we do about the infringement of our freedoms, we're really doing pretty well, if you think about it. Somewhere, someone is still doing the job that we need them to do. So, thanks.

Let's Get One Thing Straight, Here...

I'm not a cool person. I'm not a popular person. I'm not unattractive or unintelligent, I just refuse to care too much about what other people think. I have my own coolness, as it were. I think that may be one of the reasons that I can be completely objective when I say things like, "Spinners (Those ridiculous things on your wheels that go the other way? All chromey looking?) are one of the stupidest things ever."

Sincerely yours, Coco...

How does monthly work for all of you? Silence indicates consent, you know. It really is pretty tough to be diligent about something like this with everything else I've got going on. My posting tends to be random at best. Thus, my plan to at some point have a trained monkey take over the blog for me. I imagine posting will begin to be much more frequent, and I'm betting that no one will ever know.

On the DL...

So I don't want to offend anyone, but I've got this on my mind. It has come to my attention that some people are not as they seem. Some people, apparently, will take on the traits of the current new cutting edge cool thing that all the cool people are doing. Clearly this is completely subjective, as everyone has a different idea of coolness, but I think what it means is that there are some vegans out there who, really are only vegan because it seemed like the cool choice for them to make at the time. The decision that would mean that they could fit in with all the cool kids around them. "Hey, yeah, I'm a vegan too, man. Rock on." (I'm neither confirming or denying that I know any vegans who talk like this.) Or, if the current trend is to emulate the Japanese, well, heck, let's just milk that for all it's worth. "Yeah, we should totally all get the same tattoo!" Maybe there are some punk kids to whom this applies as well, I don't know. Hmmm... I happen to think that the entire goth movement is a byproduct of this , and all I have to say is, let that be a warning to you, alright?