A New Freakin' Year

Well, 2005 is finally over. It has, at times, felt as though it was the fastest year I have ever lived through. Certain weeks felt as though they were stretched immeasurably long, but overall, a very fast sort of year. The word that encompasses this year is not "fast" however, the word is "unfortunate."

But, there's always next year. And from this viewpoint, next year looks like it could be full of all kinds of good things. Call me an optimist.

Well... Call me an optimist who likes to complain a lot.


Hmmm... Again

My favorite quote of this week.

"Of course, a lot of Italians adored Mussolini too."



The other day I had another brilliant idea (as is wont to happen to me) which involves me starting another page which will be an ongoing review of new Apple products. The page will be called "Mac Fancy". So there. It's here, by the way : Mac Fancy

Here's the thing. I can't afford to buy new Apple products for the purpose of review (or at all) AND eat. So if you've got a new Nano, or maybe a G4 laptop, or even a ROKR (here's a critique...learn to spell... how bout that?) and you just don't know what to do with it, ya know, we could make some arrangements.

Cash would be fine too.



Bill Maher, making the case for a Presidential recall: "On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and now the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky?"



(this is paraphrased from something the almighty Jon Stewart said in a recent Daily Show episode)
Remember when you went on that trip when you were a kid, and you knew your Dad was gonna get lost, and you told him that he was going to get lost, so you suggested getting a map, and then he got lost, and you're saying from the back seat that maybe now would be a good time to just stop and get a map, or maybe ask someone for some directions, and he's all yelling from the driver's seat, "We're LOST!! Now is no time to be stopping and getting a map!!! WE'RE LOST!! We gotta figure out where we are first!! Then maybe we can stop and get your goddamn map!! Stop... JUST STOP MAKING SUGGESTIONS BACK THERE... HEY! This is no time to be playing the blame game either! We all have to pull together in times like this. Now just shut up, while I try to get us out of this mess."
Remember that?
If you think about it a little bit, that kind of resembles the state that our country has been in for a little while now.

Now I'm gonna go have a little lie-down.


Things Get Real Scary, Just In Time for Halloween

You need to read the article here: FEMA Detainment Camp, and the one here: Real Heroes, (both courtesy of OneGoodMove.org) and then, if you have any imagination at all, and once you regain control of your bowels, you need to gather your friends who think like you, you need to get them to read the above articles, and you need to figure out a plan. Because we're coming to a time, possibly as soon as in the next few months, when things... well... let's just say things are going to take a turn. Quit waiting around for the deal-breaker. It's already come and gone.



I have one vice, really. I like driving. Fastily.
Now let me say that I'm not, by any means, "Mr-All-Fancy-With-My-Fancymobile-
I've got the common sense, you know.
I'm a good driver. I'm always alert. I would never drive after drinking, and I really don't speed that much. I guess what I've realized is that there are not that many other good drivers out there. And, honestly, who's at fault is something way down on the "I-Care-About-That List" when your drunk ass turns into my lane without signaling when I'm minding my own business doing 95 down the interstate. It's a matter of survival at that point. So I don't speed that much, cause of you. Honestly.
I think every driver should have to log 10 hours of driving in a simulator (we have the technology), every 2 years or so. The state can pay for the time with all the money they'll save on traffic accidents. If you hydroplane, if you hit wet leaves on the road, or black ice, if a deer jumps into the road, or a suicidal bum, would you know what to do? Hell no, you don't even know how to use your blinker, and those are easy.
See, you turn the wheel, and your hand just hits the...
no, see, the way you're turning...
no, left...



Reading back through some of my posts, I've realized it may seem like all I do is complain. I'm really not like that...uh...most of the time. Things are not simple anymore, and perhaps before I fire off a rant about something, I should think it through, and honestly give every side of the argument an equal chance. I could tender my hatred for stupidity with a gentle understanding spirit of compassion for those who perhaps were not raised to the standards that I was.
That, or maybe we could go back to having some freaking manners and common sense. How bout that, huh?
You know what pisses me off the most? Ungratefulness, that's what. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm working so incredibly hard just to stay where I've gotten, but kids who's every whim has been provided for and who have no idea the kind of hard work it takes to stay alive, in general, make me angry. Hey, just so ya know, is all I'm sayin...
Alright, I'm done ranting now.


Making PP...

I think, and maybe this is just my opinion...but I think that if you're in college (or even just over the age of 12), and A. You can't hit the toilet, or B. You choose not to aim, that you should be somewhere where they have people who will help you with that. I have to imagine that this is more of a problem with guys than with girls, there being more distance involved, on average, but I'm not letting anyone off, on this one.



This may have changed since I've read this, but passengers in SUVs make up 81% of all fatalities in collisions. Anyone need that spelled out?


The Secret To Life

Speak clearly, and smile. That should pretty much do it for you.


My Plan...

I'm sure he wouldn't want to have anything to do with this, but I think that, if we were all really as committed as we say we are to getting things done right, we should let John Stewart run everything. No, I mean everything. Like the world. Space. Beyond. You know, all that stuff... Seriously, think about it. Everyone likes him. No one (important) disagrees with him. He's smart, he's cool, he's calm in the face of extreme danger (well...I would imagine), he's impeccably dressed, and he's overly sarcastic. How could we go wrong with that?


I knew it...

Well, there goes the ballgame... Monkeys, Capuchins to be exact (ya know, the little cute ones with the long tails?) have learned economics. Look here. They've already mastered the stealing, gambling, prostitution, and who knows what other kinds of financial practices. It won't be long before they've got controlling interest in some research labs, and mark my words, payback is gonna be a bitch.
Hmmm... Just realized, this may mean that W will soon be able to understand, and thus fix, our economy.


A Message of Hope, In a Time of Darkness...

The fact that I can say things like, "Our President is an idiot, and should learn how to pronounce nukyaler," without being sent off to a prison camp, or fined, or killed, fills me with flood of hope for our great nation. For all the complaining we do about the infringement of our freedoms, we're really doing pretty well, if you think about it. Somewhere, someone is still doing the job that we need them to do. So, thanks.


Let's Get One Thing Straight, Here...

I'm not a cool person. I'm not a popular person. I'm not unattractive or unintelligent, I just refuse to care too much about what other people think. I have my own coolness, as it were. I think that may be one of the reasons that I can be completely objective when I say things like, "Spinners (Those ridiculous things on your wheels that go the other way? All chromey looking?) are one of the stupidest things ever."


Sincerely yours, Coco...

How does monthly work for all of you? Silence indicates consent, you know. It really is pretty tough to be diligent about something like this with everything else I've got going on. My posting tends to be random at best. Thus, my plan to at some point have a trained monkey take over the blog for me. I imagine posting will begin to be much more frequent, and I'm betting that no one will ever know.


On the DL...

So I don't want to offend anyone, but I've got this on my mind. It has come to my attention that some people are not as they seem. Some people, apparently, will take on the traits of the current new cutting edge cool thing that all the cool people are doing. Clearly this is completely subjective, as everyone has a different idea of coolness, but I think what it means is that there are some vegans out there who, really are only vegan because it seemed like the cool choice for them to make at the time. The decision that would mean that they could fit in with all the cool kids around them. "Hey, yeah, I'm a vegan too, man. Rock on." (I'm neither confirming or denying that I know any vegans who talk like this.) Or, if the current trend is to emulate the Japanese, well, heck, let's just milk that for all it's worth. "Yeah, we should totally all get the same tattoo!" Maybe there are some punk kids to whom this applies as well, I don't know. Hmmm... I happen to think that the entire goth movement is a byproduct of this , and all I have to say is, let that be a warning to you, alright?


We're not there yet

A time is coming, in the not so distant future, when things will take a turn. Two years from now, maybe five, maybe ten, who's to say. I'll know when. It'll be right after Google and Apple and Coca-Cola and Volkswagen all join forces in a massive international conglomerate. Yeah, that'll be my signal to grab some purified water and my ever-ready backpack full of twinkies and head out. I think I'll head south, maybe to a beach somewhere. That's where I'll be, if you need me.


Thumbs Up

So... The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy finally comes out this Friday in movie form. It's been a long time coming.
I'm not sure if I'm more excited or more worried. I'm sure I'll enjoy it. Not worried about that. But will the movie live up to the standard that the trilogy warrants? I just don't know. I do know that I probably couldn't have cast it better, and honestly, this is the first movie that I ever wanted to make, so I've definitely given it some thought. No, I think it's going to be fine. I just hope the movie will provide an impetus for actually reading the books, giving another generation of hopeless teenagers a brilliant, if brief, escape from their respective realities.


Random Doodle


Dude, you're making me look so bad.

Alright Mr. Zach Braff. Holy crap, how can a normal guy get a break with you coming along and being all...look at me...writing and directing and starring in your own film-festival-award-winning movies and your awesome TV show Scrubs and winning a Grammy for the freaking amazing soundtrack that you co-produced? HUH!? The problem with you is you think you're all special...and you are, so I can't even be mad, just jealous.
Ya know, I mean, my parents and teachers and everyone always told me I could be anything I wanted to be. And I took that to heart, I really did. I still believe it. The problem, I guess, is that no one ever told me that I could have been doing whatever I wanted all along. My problem throughout school remains that I'm bored, waiting to finish, so that I can actually do something. Just you wait, Zach.


Like most of the 80's

So, I'm sitting in a coffeeshop, writing this, surfing the internet, checking my email, other nerdly things...and I started thinking about how this kind of technology has totally revolutionized the way we think about and interact with the world. Wireless internet, broadband, laptops even, have all happened in the last few years, completely collapsing our world view, making everyday tasks easy and efficient, allowing once impossible things to be done with the click of a mouse. It's really amazing that we get to live in a time and age where all of this is possible. Then I wondered if maybe in a couple of years everyone will look back on this and be ashamed of how much time we wasted watching American Idol.


More ways in which my childhood was lame...

In the last two weeks, I've gotten the two best toys out of cereal boxes that I can ever remember. We never got any cool toys from cereal when I was a kid, and especially not out of the box. Now that I can get awesome stuff like a SpongeBob Squarepants watch out of a box of Cocoa Krispies, or a Lightsaber spoon (A LIGHTSABER SPOON!! HOLY CRAP!! IT LIGHTS UP!!) out of Honey Smacks, I'm too old to play with them without looking ridiculous. Screw that. When I was a kid, you had to save up UPC labels for two years to be able to send off for some cheap plastic trinket that probably would never work correctly anyway, if it came at all, because it took you so long to save up enough labels, cause your Mom didn't approve of buying cereals with that much sugar in them very often. Gosh, thanks Mom...


I think the world was a lot better off when spam was still just a mystery meat. On the other hand, your inbox being stuffed with spam would be a lot more difficult to deal with...


Hello World